i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
