I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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