I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
