Having a random hookup so left but love u
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
