What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
