fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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