You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
