i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
