I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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