Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
