I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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