atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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