After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize