Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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