I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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