Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize