a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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