I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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