Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
