Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
