This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
