i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
