Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
