something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
