Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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