Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
third nipple confirmed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
