Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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