You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
