That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this just has baby written all over it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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