Christians are straight up FREAKS
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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