real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
