How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
