he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
