You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
