He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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