i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
