Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
