He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
