I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
