So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
where does the pee come out of this thing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
