; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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