I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
