so explain again why im purple
no
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
