fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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