This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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