If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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