he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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