I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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