the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
