my phone needs a breathalizer
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
