i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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