I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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