Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
