Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
