I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
