You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
