she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
