Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
