Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
