he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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