Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i think i have two assholes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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